The Easy Way To Achieve Success In Mental Health, High Performance/Career, And Relationships
“Lover” Formula – That Drives Life
L – Listen to understand not to respond/stressless
O – Observe carefully/live in the attitude of gratitude
V – Verify your thoughts/emotions
E – Evaluate your observation/situation
R – Ready set go – formula for success
Fail And Get Up And Never Give Up!
L – Listen To Understand Not To Respond Stressless
Ask most people if they’re a good listener and they’ll say, ‘of course!’ But in reality, very few of us are actually good at listening effectively.
A study of over 8,000 employees from various job backgrounds found that almost all participants believed that they communicated as effectively or more effectively than their co-workers.
In reality, the average person listens at only about 25% efficiency!
While most people agree that listening is a very important skill, a majority don’t feel a strong need to improve that skill.
This is probably because effective listening isn’t something we really talk about, which is strange, because we’re social creatures who thrive on communication, and listening is arguably the most important aspect of effective communication!
A study of managers and employees in a high-stress hospital setting found that listening explained 40% of the variance in effective leadership.
Think of someone you believe to be an effective leader in your life –be it a teacher, a politician, a boss, or even a parent –would you consider them to be a good listener?
As a leader, working on your listening skills will help foster bonds and trust between yourself and subordinates.
Being a good listener will also help demonstrate the concern you have for their wellbeing, which will make them more committed to you and the work that they do to you.
Effective listening tends to reduce the frequency of interpersonal conflict because it’s more likely that the dispute can be resolved by coming to a ‘winwin’ situation.
Think about it, when you feel as though no one is listening to your side of the story, you’ll be more likely to be on the defense and become more passionate about your point.
On the other hand, if you feel as though your concerns are being taken into account, you’ll probably be more likely to agree to a compromise and try to work toward a middle ground.
Effective listening is actively absorbing information, while showing the speaker that you’re listening and engaged, then providing feedback that shows them that they’ve been heard.
In other words, effective listeners show speakers that they have been heard and understood.
Like I mentioned before, humans are social creatures who thrive on relationships. This means that one of the BEST things you can do for another person is to show them that their communication is working and that their message is being delivered effectively.
Now think of a time that you’ve sat down with someone and discussed your thoughts in a way that almost left you with a sense of relief when you walked away.
Your body language is an extremely important component of listening –some research suggests that it’s more important than the words you speak!
When you’re having a conversation with someone, face the speaker and maintain eye contact. This shows them that they have your undivided attention.
Talking to someone while they’re looking around the room, checking their watch, studying a computer screen, gazing out the window, or looking at their phone makes you feel as though you’re not being heard.
While you might be thinking that your multitasking skills are good enough to hold a conversation while simultaneously doing something else, there’s no doubt that making a habit of this will create some tension between you and your conversing partners.
Effective listening means listening without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things they tell you.
Remember, you’re not listening to respond, you’re listening to learn something new.
So don’t jump to conclusions about the things they say, instead –ask questions.
When you’re listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions.
This is difficult for many people to do!
We all want to help, and when the answer seems clear to you, you want to share it – but most of the time, people just want to share their thoughts!
The best journalists, interviewers, and researchers learn the importance of probing early on.
Probing just means asking for additional information, but it can help you understand the situation more fully.
Effective probing comes from a non-judgmental place and follows the flow of what’s been previously said. Additionally, probing really shows the person you’re speaking with that you’re paying attention to detail and are fully invested in what they’re saying.
Keep in mind that your goal as a listener is to try and develop a deeper bond. If your goal is to better connect with someone, then you should be making an effort to work WITH them, instead of telling them what to do.
As an active listener, your ultimate goal is to get as much information as possible in a time-efficient manner and leave the conversation on better terms.
Let me know what you think.
Here’s 11 steps to improve your listening skills.
- A good listener is attentive. They make good eye contact, don’t interrupt what the other person is saying and show an interest in what is being communicated. There’s always something incredible you can hear in anyone’s story.
- A good listener does not look over the shoulder of the person that’s speaking, waiting for someone more interesting to come along.
- A good listener does not check their phone or tablet in the middle of a conversation, when someone is sharing with them.
- A good listener is not waiting for their chance to get a word in, treating the ‘period of listening’ as a pause in their ‘monologue.’ Being so focused on trying to get ones view over is insensitive and misses the real value in the conversation.
- A good listener uses positive body language; leaning forward and showing an enthusiastic, relaxed nature. They don’t fidget, cross arms, look elsewhere or express inappropriate shock or disbelief at what’s shared.
- A good listener does not hurry somebody, but asks good questions to guide the sharing. They guide and help shape what’s being shared, but if the other person feels cut off or squashed they’ve failed.
- A good listener does not approach a conversation with prejudice, expecting to know what’s going to come out of the speaker’s lips. They don’t listen with a pre-formed opinion but attempt to have an open mind to what’s being communicated. It’s amazing how much time is wasted with the belief that people understand what someone means without taking the effort and time to listen.
- A good listener cares. They show empathy for what the other person has to say. It’s genuine, authentic and comes from a place of truthful concern.
- A good listener identifies areas of agreement with the speaker whilst avoiding the cliché statement: “I know exactly how you feel.” Because you don’t. It ends up sounding insensitive, trite or self centred. Everyone loves to be truly understood. No one likes to be patronised.
- A good listener remembers. They remember and follow up conversations wherever possible. They treat what is shared with respect and where appropriate ongoing interaction.
- A good listener knows how to treat what is shared with confidentiality. They are trustworthy and sensitive with information and never look to use anything that is shared for any purpose other then good.
O – Observe The Change/live In Attitude Of Gratitude
Be open to Change, Observe the change, accept the Change, Embrace the Change! As You Do The New Day Begin!
“You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it”
One of the most precious in my heart is that I am in state of Gratitude every second of my life. I come to understanding and fully comprehending the feeling of gratitude. It the most beautiful and liberating feeling that bring happiness instantly.
Every morning and evening, and from the moment that I open my eye I am Grateful. I appreciate every meal I consume, everything I do, everyone I meet and speak and touch. The beautiful nature and friends as we all are part of the whole.
When I was young, I was thinking to change the world. I grow up a little, and I say I will change my city. I grow up a little more, that I said I will change my family. Then I grow up more and I realized that the only person I could change is Me.
I was judging myself for “not being good enough”, hahaha! Are you related to this?
I was judging my coworker for being a winner, and I tried to “help” so could be more positive and proactive! Did that happen with you too?
I was judging complainers and try to teach them not too! Did you do that too?
I was judging my ex-husband for his weakness, and I tried to “fix” him! Did you do that too?
I was judging my son for being irresponsible, and procrastinating!
Did you do that too?
Guess what, I ended up to realized that the only person needs to change is ME.
So, I started a three years journey to make changes from inside out and outside inn and I went from living inside the box to living outside the box; form being fixed mindset to growth mindset! Certainly, requires a lot of “Will”, discipline and determination, and the results are unmatched! I could not describe more powerfully the satisfaction, fulfillment and enlightenment I live my life!
Is fascinating that how everything changes when we change our thinking and the pictures we carry in our mind about people and reality, is just a paradigm that we live inn.
When we change our perception, and change from fixed mindset to grow mindset, is groundbreaking awareness and mindfulness and our life reflect based on it.
Is just like a mirror, what energy we put out there bounce back to us and via versa.
However, most of the time we get caught in our everyday routine and mindless in way we think and react, and we blame and complain about others and we hardly see ourselves in the mirror and reflect and speak to ourselves honestly!
How you could change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions?
We affect others by the way of our being and dealing with others not by asking what to do or think!
Use enrollment conversation and suggestions with empathy and looking other person in eye and being into the conversation as unspoken language and body movement is more important than the speech.
If I don’t like something, I change it, If I can’t change it, I change the way I think about it and I accepted it and move on. The only way that I can change is if I learn, apply and start over from where I am with what I have with open heart and open mind! I do not allow anything to bother me in my sole. I am open for any change or possibility, as I believe in the higher power and have unshaken faith!
It’s amazing how law of attraction works… what you put out bounce back to you and is so powerful, jet does not jet comprehended form most of us!
What if you write down tonight a list of appreciation of all people and events that you resent or don’t see the way to deal with, and look into every each of them and take a look what is in them that you like about and write them down.
Write down what are the feelings you are experiencing. By writing down everything the brain (our conscious and unconscious mind) comprehend better and by seeing and reading you will realize that most of what you think is not true or is just the fear that triggers you.
It’s an amazing exercise that anyone use and be surprised as I did!
I was the one who did not believe in such a thing! I was lawyer and everything for me it was search for facts and clues.
Let me tell you that I was blown away when I did!
Try this exercise tonight, and let me know when you do, and give me your feedback!
V – Verify Your Thoughts/ Emotions
I studied the emotional intelligence, mindfulness and meditation, exercise and the gap that we experience between where we are and where we want to be. By practicing every day the law of attraction I come to the point that now I am fully aware of my emotions and when they arrive, I welcome them and laugh at them and I control them as sometime my subconscious mind is speaking and I notice what I notice and make a conscious choice to connect with my sole and higher self and every day and every moment I experience happiness and gratitude for everyone I meet and everything I do and have.
We live in an abundant universe. There is a lack of consciousness and a lack of distribution, but there is not a lack of abundance and energy. My mentor Mary Morrissey explain.
Life is not happening to you; life is happening through you.
You are not a victim of the circumstances in your life; you are generating your experience of those circumstances.
All circumstances are plastic to your thinking; they are malleable to your thoughts.
We are not our emotions; nothing has meaning until we give one!!!
The Law of Receiving is activated through giving. Giving is really important, but the other side of that is learning how to receive.
When you tithe your time, talent and money, you are releasing the kink in the hose that blocks the flow that’s seeking to come to you.
When you say yes to the dreams of your heart, you will feel a greater amplification, more aliveness, more energy and things begin to get easier.
When we come to understanding that the only thing we could control and change is our thinking, communication, behavior, imagination and actions and implement them into our life, the results are the joy, fulfillment and happiness.
Aligning in harmony with our inner self and everything in our outer world and the shift in perception take place, we feel the magic, clarity and energized in all walks of life as everything is energy.
Take the steps to your success by building your awareness and take 100% responsibility for our life and responses. Clean up your messes and incompletes in your relationships, finances, and dreams.
By being responsible for who we associate with and how these individuals negatively or positively influence and impact our life. We bring awareness in your life is positive nurturing and encouraging.
We can not have a single thought without body responding by listening your body and responding with awareness you top to infinite peace and harmony. You will engage all your dimensions of self: intellect, intuition, awareness, imagination, will, physical body, emotion and be aware that we are so much more than just our bodies and our minds.
Manage and experience a positive outcome there are two basic choices, you need to make: Either to blame the event for the results you get… blame the matter. Instead change your response. You see you must gain control over your thinking, behavior, your images that you create the results that you want; simply to change the outcome you need the change your response.
Changing the paradigm which is a collection of habits, based on our believes about ourselves and our world that generates our circumstances, experience and results. Proven that high achievement and peak performance you will discover that there are six mental faculties that you will implement to produce lasting results; Imagination, Intuition, will, memory, reason, perception.
E – Evaluate Your Observation / Situations Live In Attitude Of Gratitude
We tend to live our life in fight or flight mode and build our life, relationships, business not in strong foundations. We blame and complain endlessly, and we put glasses and see the world and form our paradigm and many times we misjudge or misinterpret, or we do uneducated choices. From the moment we get up to the moment we go to sleep we constantly make choices. Stop and observe, reevaluate and rethink the situation, issue or the choices and always ask for feedback.
- Ask yourself a hard question of WHY you feel that way without judging yourself. We tend to ignore our inner voice that is telling us that something is wrong, but we don’t pay attention. Ask for Help if you need.
- Ask for feedback from your coworkers, boss, spouse or sibling as they input, or behavior is reflection of our Behavior’s. They are just trying to help you with different point of view.
- Know your limits; we tend to take in our shoulders more than we could handle; as we think that no one could do a better job than we do. Perfection do not exist. Find the balance and delegate.
- Address in timely manners any mess or problem that is lingering and we live unattended. If we do not clean up the messes, then they become big problems.
- Be aware of any limiting believes or habits that are standing on way and causing your burnout. As we know, we all have blind spots that if we don’t attend and change to empowering ones than we setup ourselves for a Great Burnout.
- Take a break to rejuvenate yourself and use this time to recover and step back and see your reflection; meditate for a greater clarity. Give back to your family and community as giving is healing.
- Make educated choices by using mindfulness and emotional intelligence to find the balance between inner and outer self.
- Respond positively to any event or person as high achievers use a very powerful formula that is: Event plus your Response equal the Outcome. Think the outcome you want than respond accordingly.
- Recognize that you can not change anyone. The only thing that you could change is your thoughts, your vision that you keep in your mind, your behaviours and actions so you could make an educated choice.
- Create a mastermind Group that is well organized, and everyone wins by having a different point of views and different options for solution and accountability.
Please reach out if you have any question as I would greatly appreciate any feedback you might have.
Ready Set Go – Formula For Success
In the beginning, the challenge for most people is allowing themselves the space to answer the question, “What would I love?” In this week, you will discover your capacity to dream.
Now you learn how to apply your best thinking to create a possible life that you would absolutely love to live.
What Is Within You Is Greater Than Anything Outside of You This shift in your thinking will help you learn how to reveal to yourself what it is you really want to be, do, create or give – without limitations. You will have the capacity to bring forth your dream, but it will take some work because most people have been trained to look to conditions to determine what they can accomplish.
Your capacity for Dream life is unlimited.
In the 21st Century where everything is moving in fast pace and most of us never stop to realize our limitations is very easy to get Burnout.
I was a High Achiever Burnout to the point where I committed to find the root of causes that create the burnout.
From my experience and deep learning in this field I found that the Burnout is not caused by single event or at the moment; it’s a long-standing accumulated events and circumstances. It comes in many forms and everyone experience differently depend on their own Paradigm.
Keep a corner of your mind open to the possibility that there is so much more in you and for you than you have known.
Begin to explore what is the life you would love to live? If time, education, money, age and all of the many things weren’t your restriction, then what would you love to be, do, give and create?
In each of the following areas listed below, make a list of actions you have been hesitating to do, delaying, postponing, procrastinating or flat out avoiding:
Which area has the most delay or avoidance?
Which area is costing you the most by avoiding?
What actions could you take to improve the situation immediately
By When? Done
- What does this tell me?
- What do I do instead?
- I spend my time…
- Eventually I…
- What is my payoff?
- What does it cost me?
- Pick the easiest + the hardest + the most important + the greatest impact on others. Circle the easiest.
- Put a box around the hardest.
- Put a * next to the most important.
- Put a circle in front of the one that has the greatest amount of impact.
- Take an action on the hardest, most important or greatest impact in the next 15 minutes.